You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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