I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
