At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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