Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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