I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize