I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
