I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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