How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
