What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
