Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
