if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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