my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
