after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
