I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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