i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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