Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
