Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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