My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
