we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
