If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
