Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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