How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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