so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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