Umm I'm too high to move.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Someone came in the potted fern
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
