RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
