I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
