I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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