youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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