rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
