Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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