dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize