i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
