Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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