Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize