I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
