We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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