Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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