The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ketchup is God's man juice
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dear god my vagina.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize