i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize