i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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