hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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