Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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