U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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