At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
