you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
