Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
