You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
