You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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