i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
