cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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