I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
