??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize