she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
