If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize