I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
