I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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