i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's blow job season.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
