i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
