I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
