Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
