Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
