Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have fence marks all over my body
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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