wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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