I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
