just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
