benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
