Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
