Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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