smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
