It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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