I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
