i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
