I wish you could order shots online.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
