he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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