I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
