U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize