She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
