: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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