Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
