life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
