I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
