rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
