I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
