i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
