my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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