you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
